The best angry/mean comments you have received from iTunes reviewers

[Johannvonstranovic]

I enjoy reading Eric Snider's (http://www.ericdsnider.com/) movie reviews along with his other articles. Every once in awhile he posts what he calls "angry letters". It's probably my favorite thing he does. He inevitably has made fun of a Twilight movie or something and a teenage girl will write him a scathing email about how wrong and stupid he is. Then he proceeds to rip her apart to the delight of all.

We all get bad reviews along with the good ones in iTunes, but every once in awhile there are just little angry gems that are such disproportionate responses to someone not liking our apps that I just have to laugh.

I'm not sure if there is already a thread to share these little gems (I did try and search 1st) but I'll start off with one of my favorites. Targeted at a simple (intentionally childish) game we released called doodle golf, Grape-Lime writes:

"This is so easy and childish that I wish this app never existed!
DON'T GET IT!
IT'S WEIRD AND FOR BABIES!!
THE GOLF BALL IS STUPID!!!
A TWO-YEAR-OLD MADE THIS!!!!
I ONLY PLAYED ONE HOLE!!!!! "

I could really pick that comment apart and point out how wonderfully incoherent it really is, but I'll leave it to it's own merits.

Please share your favorite angry reviews here, preferably directed at your own apps but if you find a good one elsewhere, throw it in here for good measure. We all need to have a good sense of humor about not being able to please everyone all the time. I am floored by what consumers seem to think they are entitled to for $.99. How about you?

[ikemike]

...I liked Doodle Golf...

[iMario]

Doodle Golf is ok, dude. Cheer up. It's probably some 7-year old.

[Uptown Arts]

"Katy you did not get a bunny you got a hamster" - 2 stars

[Grubjelly]

Maybe the golf ball is really stupid after all. Of course it can't be stupid, but if its behavior is such that it would insult the intelligence of a good portion of your target audience (including some smart kids who may have buyer's remorse) then such feedback could be useful if you're willing to see past the tantrum to some component of the experience that irked the customer.

[jak56]

to be honest i did like the game much either. but that's only because i expected it to be some awesome fun top down golf game.

i certainly didnt post a stupid review like that though (in fact, i didnt leave one at all purely based on the fact it was nice of you to even offer it free in the first place)

[TheSporkWithin]

Any review Kijib has ever written.
http://itunes.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewUsersUserReviews?userProfileId=43873585

[Syndicated Puzzles]

Johann,

I like this topic, lots of great examples floating around. Caveman test was doing really well in Italy for a long time. Couldn't figure out why. Then I went to the page on the Italian store and then I understood why. The first two comments were so bad that people had to find out how something could get this nasty negative feedback.

http://itunes.apple.com/it/app/caveman-test/id339056870?mt=8

My Italian is good enough to understand that you can't describe an app any worse.

I actually was able to track down the first guy( he had some questions) and asked him why he was so angry with "Caveman Test"

He played over 50 games and was never able to beat Ufkah. So I emailed him back explaining to him that it wasn't the games fault that he wasn't good enough to beat the caveman. Immediately after that the second nasty review appeared. It is really funny how many apps have terrible reviews that are selling really well.

[blue ox]

It is really funny how many apps have terrible reviews that are selling really well.

This is the one that really puzzles me right now:

http://itunes.apple.com/us/app/mirror-for-ipod-and-iphone/id359511476?mt=8

You have to read about 75 reviews before you hit one that isn't a 1-star review.

#23 paid app on the store, #1 Lifestyle

What gives? :)

[bmn0210]

How the **** did Apple even approve that?

[EMTKiNG]

Any review Kijib has ever written.
http://itunes.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewUsersUserReviews?userProfileId=43873585

Wow this guy expects long games like if he was on a console and just wants everything updated lol Epic Fail..

[5jusername]

Any review Kijib has ever written.
http://itunes.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewUsersUserReviews?userProfileId=43873585

rofl "pocket god is a ripoff of pocket devil" :rolleyes:

[Johannvonstranovic]

"Katy you did not get a bunny you got a hamster" - 2 stars

Wait this is really a review someone left? Brilliant, this is the kinda crazy I am talking about. It's so delightful.

Kijib's review are hilarious. With all those caps and exclamation marks I imagine him just constantly yelling in his day to day life. "SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS MAMN!!!!!!!!!!" at a funeral and such. good stuff.

[The prez 12521]

I LOVE reading the reviews that say This sucks, update and I'll give you 1 more star! Honestly, WHO CARES?!?!?

I read the comments now instead of FML/MLIA/etc.

[RPGGuy]

I'm sick of the strange/bad reviews from people. I'm going to make a game that has no graphics, no sounds, no controls. They will have nothing to complain about. It will be called 'flashlight'.

[GregH]

This is the one that really puzzles me right now:

http://itunes.apple.com/us/app/mirror-for-ipod-and-iphone/id359511476?mt=8

You have to read about 75 reviews before you hit one that isn't a 1-star review.

#23 paid app on the store, #1 Lifestyle

What gives? :)

HA! The update notes even say there was a bug that got fixed! I wonder what the bug was :-)

[sidewinder12s]

Wow, Kijib is such a Tool

[Mew2468]

I'm sick of the strange/bad reviews from people. I'm going to make a game that has no graphics, no sounds, no controls. They will have nothing to complain about. It will be called 'flashlight'.

"not brite enuf - 1 STARRR!!!!!!"

[sam the lion]

Johann,

I like this topic, lots of great examples floating around. Caveman test was doing really well in Italy for a long time. Couldn't figure out why. Then I went to the page on the Italian store and then I understood why. The first two comments were so bad that people had to find out how something could get this nasty negative feedback.

http://itunes.apple.com/it/app/caveman-test/id339056870?mt=8

My Italian is good enough to understand that you can't describe an app any worse.

I actually was able to track down the first guy( he had some questions) and asked him why he was so angry with "Caveman Test"

He played over 50 games and was never able to beat Ufkah. So I emailed him back explaining to him that it wasn't the games fault that he wasn't good enough to beat the caveman. Immediately after that the second nasty review appeared. It is really funny how many apps have terrible reviews that are selling really well.

Italian reviewers are so bad! Besides the stupid comments, lots of times they can't even spell well their own language. I'm really ashamed of my own country sometimes.

[bmn0210]

English reviewers are no better, trust me. ;)

[shen]

I enjoy the people who complain about the controls in my game, even 2 releases after I added a bunch more control schemes.

Look in the options menu people!

[CommanderData]

I wasn't going to post in this thread, but figured what the hell...
Here's a really good one for Rogue Touch that made me angry when I first read it a year ago:


HORRIBLE TO THE MAX
1 star - Patsfan11113

No one bothered to mention this, but in this game if you die its GAME OVER

No save and load, simply you go through the entire stupid game, die and that's the end of the game

This pissed me off to no end, if you like it this way then fine, but I will not give more stars unless they give an option to save and then load in case you die

PS 2 days after I made this review, the rating for this game dropped a point and they moved down a rank from 1 to 2 on role playing games ... I caused this, and am proud of it ... Rogue Touch programmers ... The people have spoken and unless you want more falling I suggest you get a save and load function


Looking back the "review" that Patsfan11113 wrote I find it ridiculously funny for 2 reasons

1) The guy has no understanding of roguelikes and permadeath. The game autosaves on exit, and you can resume when you open. Roguelikes are not about saving and reloading your save every time you die until you win, the act of trying to do this on a PC is called "save-scumming" and is considered a form of cheating.

2) The whole last paragraph. He thinks that one review caused my star rating to go down a point and my ranking to drop (I was the #1 RPG last year in April, when featured by Apple and on sale for 99 cents). The thing he doesn't get is the whole 99 cent 1-star brigade caused my rating to drop, before the sale I was nearly 5 stars. The ranking slipped because I ended the sale the next day after his review posted.

I laugh about it now... the idiot was tracking my rank and rating, and goes back into iTunes two days later and UPDATES his review with some sort of smug arrogance like he's the hand of god for the app store.

Patsfan11113 probably sits around perusing the top 100 charts now thinking he has the power to make or break any game's rating or ranking on the charts with his incredible review powers. What a jerk :D

[TheSporkWithin]

That is hilarious, CommanderData. The postscript is just too much!

[NJ Software]

CommanderData, that review gave me a good laugh.

We have so many reviews that would fit in this category, it's hard to pick. One that sticks out in my mind is a user that reviewed Backgammon NJ in the first month of its release. He accused the app of cheating and then went on to say that we were so bad and had no understanding of backgammon that we must have "bought the code". It was hugely insulting. But miraculously, a couple weeks later, that same user realized the app didn't cheat and changed his review from 1 to 5 stars. :eek: He completely changed the text of the review without a mention of what he had posted before. I wish I had saved the text of that old review just for kicks.

[Venan]

Well, there are always a host of completely ridiculous 1 star reviews written by barely literate kids, but this one actually annoyed the heck out of me (and it's 3 stars no less). This was for our Space Miner Demo...

Wow... But $5?!
by Sophie26773389: on May 21, 2010 1.2.2
Great game but five dollars for a no-name iPhone game is ridiculous. Gameloft and square enix can get away with that, not these nobodys. Drop it to a dollar or two like it should be, it's just asteroids with upgrades, you didn't just invent starcraft or something

Where does one even begin...

[Sinecure Industries]

Backlash 1.0 was not without its issues (1.1 was way better and 1.2 is improving upon that, it's "waiting for review" now :p)

This one guy though, well, apparently it upset him greatly

Sark Natron: For a game that has very little going on, it's glitchy and slow on my 3GS. Music is cool but repetitive. I agree with the other 1 star review. No sensible person would say this is a fun game even without the glitches which kill it. It'd make my worst game purchase (over 370) top 10 list easily.

I was curious about this guy and looked at what else he reviews, he gave a whole ton of games the same sort of rating/review. What a Negative Nancy.

The most "wtf" review was for How Am I Feeling?

luv2snowboard<3: at first it wudnt work for me, but then i thot of my ex bf and everything it predicted was absolutely accurate! i wuz like whoa!

...me too.

[jak56]

Where does one even begin...
you could begin by commenting on how many console games you've developed?

and then how about going to how stupid they are to themselves believe that big names deserve big price tags?
:p

[Nitzan]

Kind of a silly question, but how did you guys copy/paste the review text? I assume there is a way to see all the reviews outside of iTunes in a format that can be copied?

[eJayStudios]

Well, there are always a host of completely ridiculous 1 star reviews written by barely literate kids, but this one actually annoyed the heck out of me (and it's 3 stars no less). This was for our Space Miner Demo...

Wow... But $5?!
by Sophie26773389: on May 21, 2010 1.2.2
Great game but five dollars for a no-name iPhone game is ridiculous. Gameloft and square enix can get away with that, not these nobodys. Drop it to a dollar or two like it should be, it's just asteroids with upgrades, you didn't just invent starcraft or something

Where does one even begin...

Space Miner is one of the better games on the iPhone. I think Apple should ban those stupid ratings and comments altogether.

[Venan]

Kind of a silly question, but how did you guys copy/paste the review text? I assume there is a way to see all the reviews outside of iTunes in a format that can be copied?

I use AppFigures and I cut/paste it from there. You can also use appcomments.com which is free. Appcomments is cool because you can click on someone's name and get easy access to all the reviews they've written.

[schplurg]

Not alll that crazy but...

1. Has potential, but seriously.. Fix this now or you guys are dicks..

2. The developer should have stuck with his day job at Arby's


3. could not get game to transfer from lptop to ipod.... ???
[he left a 1 star review...wtf?]

4. I think the people who have reviewed this game as 4/5 or 5/5 stars are connected to the developer somehow. [ya right all 500 of them]

[good review]
5. Buy it stoopid it's only a dollar. Lay off the mcdoubles and play a sweet game instead!

[The Bat Outta Hell]

Lol 90% of the people who leave reviews are absolutely braindead.

[EMTKiNG]

This one cracked me up because of Daredevil Daves Version LOL

Bruno
Senior Member
iPhone 3GS, OS 3.x Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Boston
Posts: 161

Most of my topics seems to be negative.

Wow, that is new.

Anyway, I value my money and I have a lot o experience playing games for a very long time. I know what is a good game and what is not. Time will tell who is right or wrong.

I put my opinion because for those looking for an action game, this is not the case. It is a strategy repeat and try type of game.

Of course a game cannot please everyone, I just want to put my view because I am a little tired of games being released without any mkt research and any business strategy.

The review system of AppStore is questionable, here we have a lot of vague comments due to users average age. I just think we need honest comments. The TA's writers put their thoughts in front page, but when we came here is the same old stuff...... Awesome,..... Downloading now,......syncing. Who cares?

If you think that my comments are on the negative side that is because that are a lot of bad games out there.

Regarding my game, this is not my stuff. I just do not have the talent to develop any games.....I just have talent to critique. It is easier, cheaper, and funnier because there will always be people like yourself (bug) that are here to instigate, provoque discussion, and ready to poorly argue about any thing that you read here.

This is a forum from gamers to gamers. Bad and good opinions leave side by side, if my opinion is the only bad one so far, that not makes me a jerk. I usually express my opinion when I feel bad to spend my money into something that not worth the money.

Keep discussing, I moved on to the next game.

Bruno


Daredevil Dave
Member Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 38



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bruno
...snip...

Awesome,..... Downloading now,......syncing

...snip...



Cooool!

[EssentialParadox]

This is the one that really puzzles me right now:

http://itunes.apple.com/us/app/mirror-for-ipod-and-iphone/id359511476?mt=8

You have to read about 75 reviews before you hit one that isn't a 1-star review.

#23 paid app on the store, #1 Lifestyle

What gives? :)

LOL! WOW. An app that defies physics and the laws of nature — why are people not surprised it doesn't work?

[Theta-Omega]

Yep, always fun to read the 1-star reviews, as long as the spelling and grammar errors aren't to bad. The only reviews that actually catch my interest are the ones that aren't a couple of poorly written, incoherent strings of letters all jammed together. You know the ones, they're mostly actual reviews that don't burn your eyes when attempting to read them :p

[Kyle Poole]

These people lie
[1 star]
by 8kq87p
"These are all fake reviews!!!!!!
Read them, they are all the same
This game is horrible"

lol, yeah buddy, 500+ 5 star reviews are all fake :rolleyes:

But I do actually read all the "most critical" reviews, since people have no problem taking the time to leave a 1-star review, but god forbid they email support if they are having troubles with the game...

[schplurg]

These people lie
[1 star]
by 8kq87p
"These are all fake reviews!!!!!!
Read them, they are all the same
This game is horrible"

lol, yeah buddy, 500+ 5 star reviews are all fake :rolleyes:

But I do actually read all the "most critical" reviews, since people have no problem taking the time to leave a 1-star review, but god forbid they email support if they are having troubles with the game...

What he said!!! ^^

[don_k]

"Katy you did not get a bunny you got a hamster" - 2 stars

That made me LOL

[funkynubman]

As previously stated, any review by Kijib is terrible.

[da shiz wiz 19]

18674

[eXistenT]

:DLOOL!!!:D:D:D
I think the people who have reviewed this game as 4/5 or 5/5 stars are connected to the developer somehow

so cool damn

[kijib]

comeon now guys, i have plenty of great reviews

for example:

Welcome Back!
Tonight's Review...
Chaos Rings VS Enviro-Bear 2010
http://www.crunchgear.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/03/chaos_rings_3-620x479.png

VS
http://cache.gawker.com/assets/images/4/2010/01/thumb160x_screencap_2010-01-13_at_4.48.03_pm.jpg


Lets's Begin!

On one hand you have Chaos Rings, quite possibly the best iphone game ever made. On the other hand you have Enviro-Bear 2010, which many claim is greatest game ever made. I'm here to compare these two games and tell you which is better. Yup

Graphics

Chaos Rings uses the latest Square Enix quadruple helix processor mechanics to give a vibrant experience of high quality model detail to the player.
With all that intense image processing, I'm amazed this game doesn't cause your ipod to explode. The graphics really shine during battles and such.

http://www.crunchgear.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/03/chaos_rings-620x343.png
Above:a boss fight

But Enviro Bear 2010 uses the classic Microsoft Paint texture shading and cinematics that are equal if not greater to the graphics of Chaos Rings. It is unbelieavable how far the Paint engine has come and I'm happy to see its better than ever in Enviro Bear.

http://www.offworld.com/oimages/envirobear.jpg
"Enviro Bear 2010 uses the classic Microsoft Paint texture shading and cinematics that are equal if not greater to the graphics of Chaos Rings."

Winner: Tie

Sound

Chaos Rings has a completely orchestrated million dollar soundtrack of high quality music orchestrated by millions of people in Japan. Koji Kondo, the guy who makes music for Mario and Zelda, supervised the entire production. Other notable names such as Hijeko Sudokin and Hu Kazin lend their talent to the soundtrack.

http://cdn1.gamepro.com/article_img/gamepro/105411-1.jpg
"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself."-Koji Kondo

Enviro Bear has no music but rather sound FX of a bear driving a car. You have your standard car sounds, bear sounds, etc. While quite good in its own regard, Enviro Bear's soundtrack simply can't compete with that of Chaos Rings'z.


Winner: Chaos Rings

Handling

In Chaos Rings, you control a group of heroes who go fight and stuff.
In Enviro Bear, you control a bear who doesn't know how to drive a car.


Winner: Tie

Fun

http://cache.gawkerassets.com/assets/images/9/2010/03/500x_chaos.jpg

Altough slaying monsters is fun, nothing beats driving around into stuff and killing whatever gets in your way. I'm sure many people agree with me on this. Enviro Bear is simply more fun.

Winner: Enviro Bear

Price

As if to make this decision even harder, Enviro Bear 2010 and Chaos Rings are both the same exact price at .99 cents and 12.99 respectively.
Both games are a great value, but Enviro Bear just narrowly wins with a slightly higher unit price of .9/45 compared to Chaos Ring's .89/45.

http://toucharcade.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/enviro-steve.png
Above:Enviro Bear is such a great value, even Steve Jobs bought a copy and constantly promotes/plays the game whenever he has down time

Winner: Enviro Bear






The Verdict
http://img55.imageshack.us/img55/5841/bear9zr.jpg


So which game is truely the greatest? Well, for the first time in Kijib review history, we have a tie!
Both games are simply too good for anyone to come to a conclusion and the vote conducted among several people was simply to close to call. sorry


Both games are great and highly recommended.

http://doogs.files.wordpress.com/2009/10/duke-nukem-trailer-coming.jpg
come get some



STAY TUNED FOR MORE REVIEWS! NOW TAKING REQUESTS IN THE LOUNGE!









http://cache.gawker.com/assets/images/4/2010/01/thumb160x_screencap_2010-01-13_at_4.48.03_pm.jpg
official Enviro Bear seal of approval

[nephilim apps]

This isn't my app but I love to read the reviews for i360emu for example this one
http://i47.tinypic.com/23qz33n.png
For some reason this kid used his real name to write his review so I then found his facebook and decided to have a little fun with him and see what he would do if the developer (I AM NOT THE DEVELOPER) was to message him.
http://i46.tinypic.com/nqbf46.png
sadly it appears kids nowadays are to stupid to read the app descriptions

this one also made me lol
http://i48.tinypic.com/35l6w0k.png

[HappyninGames]

A somewhat recent review for our game, fowlplay lite (http://itunes.com/apps/fowlplaylite):

(1/5 Stars) May 22, 2010 by Mr.Know-it-all
DUMB - DIS IS SOOOOOO STUPID

[goldglover411]

how about cod zombie lite (when it was out)


many reviews said

-wow...the same game for free....dont buy the 10$ one cuz you can play it here

[Sinecure Industries]

sadly it appears kids nowadays are to stupid to read the app descriptions


Good golly, what is that kid? 10?

[ICS Mobile]

Any review Kijib has ever written.
http://itunes.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewUsersUserReviews?userProfileId=43873585
wow....you are so right! Oh Boy he is so mad that you can feel his anger, this is pretty hilarious at the same time!

[ICS Mobile]

This is the one that really puzzles me right now:

http://itunes.apple.com/us/app/mirror-for-ipod-and-iphone/id359511476?mt=8

You have to read about 75 reviews before you hit one that isn't a 1-star review.

#23 paid app on the store, #1 Lifestyle

What gives? :)
Unreal!!!

[schplurg]

Any review Kijib has ever written.
http://itunes.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewUsersUserReviews?userProfileId=43873585

Kijib - the only person to ever make my ignore list here. Those are hilariously scary to read. Considering sending him a promo code just for laughs.

[Mondae]

comeon now guys, i have plenty of great reviews

for example:

Welcome Back!
Tonight's Review...
Chaos Rings VS Enviro-Bear 2010
http://www.crunchgear.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/03/chaos_rings_3-620x479.png

VS
http://cache.gawker.com/assets/images/4/2010/01/thumb160x_screencap_2010-01-13_at_4.48.03_pm.jpg


Lets's Begin!

On one hand you have Chaos Rings, quite possibly the best iphone game ever made. On the other hand you have Enviro-Bear 2010, which many claim is greatest game ever made. I'm here to compare these two games and tell you which is better. Yup

Graphics

Chaos Rings uses the latest Square Enix quadruple helix processor mechanics to give a vibrant experience of high quality model detail to the player.
With all that intense image processing, I'm amazed this game doesn't cause your ipod to explode. The graphics really shine during battles and such.

http://www.crunchgear.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/03/chaos_rings-620x343.png
Above:a boss fight

But Enviro Bear 2010 uses the classic Microsoft Paint texture shading and cinematics that are equal if not greater to the graphics of Chaos Rings. It is unbelieavable how far the Paint engine has come and I'm happy to see its better than ever in Enviro Bear.

http://www.offworld.com/oimages/envirobear.jpg
"Enviro Bear 2010 uses the classic Microsoft Paint texture shading and cinematics that are equal if not greater to the graphics of Chaos Rings."

Winner: Tie

Sound

Chaos Rings has a completely orchestrated million dollar soundtrack of high quality music orchestrated by millions of people in Japan. Koji Kondo, the guy who makes music for Mario and Zelda, supervised the entire production. Other notable names such as Hijeko Sudokin and Hu Kazin lend their talent to the soundtrack.

http://cdn1.gamepro.com/article_img/gamepro/105411-1.jpg
"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself."-Koji Kondo

Enviro Bear has no music but rather sound FX of a bear driving a car. You have your standard car sounds, bear sounds, etc. While quite good in its own regard, Enviro Bear's soundtrack simply can't compete with that of Chaos Rings'z.


Winner: Chaos Rings

Handling

In Chaos Rings, you control a group of heroes who go fight and stuff.
In Enviro Bear, you control a bear who doesn't know how to drive a car.


Winner: Tie

Fun

http://cache.gawkerassets.com/assets/images/9/2010/03/500x_chaos.jpg

Altough slaying monsters is fun, nothing beats driving around into stuff and killing whatever gets in your way. I'm sure many people agree with me on this. Enviro Bear is simply more fun.

Winner: Enviro Bear

Price

As if to make this decision even harder, Enviro Bear 2010 and Chaos Rings are both the same exact price at .99 cents and 12.99 respectively.
Both games are a great value, but Enviro Bear just narrowly wins with a slightly higher unit price of .9/45 compared to Chaos Ring's .89/45.

http://toucharcade.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/enviro-steve.png
Above:Enviro Bear is such a great value, even Steve Jobs bought a copy and constantly promotes/plays the game whenever he has down time

Winner: Enviro Bear






The Verdict
http://img55.imageshack.us/img55/5841/bear9zr.jpg


So which game is truely the greatest? Well, for the first time in Kijib review history, we have a tie!
Both games are simply too good for anyone to come to a conclusion and the vote conducted among several people was simply to close to call. sorry


Both games are great and highly recommended.

http://doogs.files.wordpress.com/2009/10/duke-nukem-trailer-coming.jpg
come get some



STAY TUNED FOR MORE REVIEWS! NOW TAKING REQUESTS IN THE LOUNGE!









http://cache.gawker.com/assets/images/4/2010/01/thumb160x_screencap_2010-01-13_at_4.48.03_pm.jpg
official Enviro Bear seal of approval

You're not supposed to quote entire articles. Link!!!!

[TheSporkWithin]

You're not supposed to quote entire articles. Link!!!!

You're not supposed to quote people quoting entire articles. Report!!!!

:P

[Catacomber]

I think free games probably get the worst reviews because too many people pick it up for a minute and don't have patience and zap in a negative review.

[Qordobo]

Lol 90% of the people who leave reviews are absolutely braindead.
Let think 1 second about it. So 90% of people you met everywhere are braindead. 90% of of people who post in this thread are braindead.

[jak56]

Any review Kijib has ever written.
http://itunes.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewUsersUserReviews?userProfileId=43873585
his reviews piss me off. i have no idea why. oh wait, it's because they're written by a cheap ass kid!

there is NOTHING wrong with optional DLC.

[da shiz wiz 19]

Let think 1 second about it. So 90% of people you met everywhere are braindead. 90% of of people who post in this thread are braindead.
Yeah that's how it works. Why? Are you one of those idiots who leaves reviews? I'm pretty sure 90% of people don't review anything. Have you even heard the review to bought ratio estimates by some devs?

[schplurg]

Yeah that's how it works. Why? Are you one of those idiots who leaves reviews? I'm pretty sure 90% of people don't review anything. Have you even heard the review to bought ratio estimates by some devs?

My current average is about 1 written iTunes review for every 96 purchases of Daredevil Dave, at least in the US.

One thing I've noticed is that, in my experience, the US has some of the rudest reviewers. My UK reviews, even the negatives, aren't nearly as rude as the US ones, overall anyways. I guess there are more spoiled undisciplined little punks here in the US.

Like I said, that's just my experience.

[Donovan1209]

the US has some of the rudest reviewers. My UK reviews, even the negatives, aren't nearly as rude as the US ones, overall anyways. I guess there are more spoiled undisciplined little punks here in the US.

Hey, I left a nice review for DD... but yes, for the most part, the 1 star reviews you have are quite rude.

[DarkeMage]

I'm gonna get so much hate... Alot of Americans are rude pigs.

[Marc Vaughan]

One thing I've noticed with my product (which is rather expensive in iPhone terms at $9.99) is that the longer its available the more 'harsh' in general people are with reviews/ratings for it.

I believe this is largely down to the target audience in the main purchasing it initially (so high reviews as they're getting what they expect etc.), then as time goes on sales slow down a bit and we're bringing in more and more peripheral people to try it, people who see that its been popular and has fairly high reviews and grab it because of that without really knowing what style of game it is.

This means some people who haven't tried management sims before have that 'marmite' reaction of yuck because they expected to be able to control things directly rather than play a strategy title (or they somehow expected me to shoehorn the entire PC version onto the iPhone which is also fairly common) ... tbh I don't 'mind' this particularly as the amount of newcomers enjoying the title is still far higher than those shouting 'wtf' and its never going to be possible to please everyone all of the time, all I can do is listen to constructive feedback when its given and try and make the best product possible.

PS - No real difference between rudeness in various 'stores' for my product as far as I can see really (and I've even gone as far as translating the feedback from the stores around Europe in order to check for suggestions for future versions etc.).

[Mondae]

I'm gonna get so much hate... Alot of Americans are rude pigs.

I'm American AND I agree.

[peachpellen]

Darkemage - I couldn't agree more. I'm from Sydney, originally Adelaide - I think Americans in general are more like people from Victoria in terms of manners.

That said, I think most people these days are rude pigs - also impatient. ^-^;

[Johannvonstranovic]

Here's one we got for our latest app puppet pals. Interestingly we have had overwhelmingly positive written reviews. The majority of our ratings (not written) are 1 star however, presumably from people downloading the free app and deleting it immediately while being prompted to tap 1 star. I almost expect this with free apps though. The interesting thing is none of these 1 star reviewers had taken the time to actually write down why. Until this review...

"I wanted to know why the majority of reviews gave this app a one or two star, yet apparently I'm not allowed too! I won't even put the app on my iPad until I see some criticism allowed. I just downloaded the app so I could rate it one star for that reason. I will now delete the app."

Apparently this person thinks that I have the ability to approve or disapprove the reviews being left for my app. Also it sounds like he didn't even try our app, he just reviewed it at 1 star as a matter of principle I guess. weird.

[PPDeluXe]

Being an Aussie I would really like to know how you find our reviewers.

Also I know it's a little unrelated but do your apps sell well in Australia? I find a lot of Aussies don't even know how to use the app store properly and find many friends saying "I've got Angry Birds and Doodle Jump", and have no idea about gems like Crush the Castle and Orion Racer for example.

[technicat]

Making an app free definitely brings in more negative reviews and ratings. I made two apps free temporarily and they each dropped a star! Many bad reviews are just a grumble and grunt, but I've found some of the most expressively obnoxious reviews to be written by toucharcade members.

Sometimes it's entertaining, like the guy who said all my apps sucked and the latest one couldn't possibly be good and then complained that he didn't get a promo code. Nevertheless, this is partly why I've cut down on distributing promo codes on toucharcade.

Another part of the problem is that many people don't bother to write a review until they want to complain about something - when I started requiring OS 3.0 one user wrote a one-star review saying he'd give me 5 stars as soon as I started supporting OS 2.2 again. Another one recently complained vehemently when I added content that only ran on the iPad.

Still, I'm gratified there are some reviewers that come to my defense, and I exercise what little control I have with the Helpful/Not-helpful button and hope the nice reviews come out on top (although I've noticed the web versions of the iTunes page is very slow to update)

[ReignDesign]

Being an Aussie I would really like to know how you find our reviewers.

Normally all of our reviews from Australia are either very nice or at least very humourous. That said, our most irate 'review' ever came from there too:


F** u
U stole 5 dollers off me when I updated I had 10 dollers then exactly after I updated it says 5 I want my f****n monney back or I'll tell ur company


No clue what this guy's problem with using the App Store was, but it had nothing to do with our game. Still got a 1 star review from him though. :(

[MikeSz_spokko]

I think this one beats them all ;)

Our game Tiki Totems Premium (in short the purpose of the game is to save a tiki idol) received the following review:

"Thou shalt not make for yourself an idol in the form of anything..." (Exodus 20:4)

As a Christian, I can't play this game with a clean conscious. The game is about protecting a false god / idol.

[oaqque]

I think this one beats them all ;)

Our game Tiki Totems Premium (in short the purpose of the game is to save a tiki idol) received the following review:

oh wow.. I laughed at that. sorry.

[CurlyBrace]

I got two one-star reviews from the same person, which were basically not reviews but questions. Translated to English, the "review" goes something like this: "Hi, I got your game when it was free, but I accidentally deleted it and now it's back at .99. When will you make this great game free again?"
(one star).

Ugh. I tried "reporting" this review - has anyone ever had any luck with that?

[LostLegend]

Broken Sword

http://i133.photobucket.com/albums/q60/MeltingOrange/4f85c48e.jpg

Fifa World Cup

http://i133.photobucket.com/albums/q60/MeltingOrange/a1e446a1.jpg

Prince of Persia Retro

http://i133.photobucket.com/albums/q60/MeltingOrange/258735e8.jpg

[fallenashes]

Regarding Speedtest.net app
Fake results

3 bars of connection: 158.8kbps
2 bars of connection: 158.8kbps
1 bar of connection: 158.8kbps

bad job

[thekellen]

It seems like almost half of the 1 star reviews I see for any app are because it crashes while loading. I've never had this problem with any app, but I guess restarting the iDevice almost always solves the problem. When will people learn?

On the subject of stupid ratings, I think it's lame that you get asked to rate an app when you delete it. It just makes the reviews biased, since it is so easy for people who didn't like an app to give it a bad rating.

[madmud101]

On the subject of stupid ratings, I think it's lame that you get asked to rate an app when you delete it. It just makes the reviews biased, since it is so easy for people who didn't like an app to give it a bad rating.

Then you will be glad to know that this has been removed in OS 4.0.

[Marc Vaughan]

It seems like almost half of the 1 star reviews I see for any app are because it crashes while loading. I've never had this problem with any app, but I guess restarting the iDevice almost always solves the problem. When will people learn?

I've been amazed at how many users don't actually know how to reboot their device fully, this has been the main cause of crashes with my App (which is admittedly rather memory intensive) - I had already upon release placed a 'memory warning' page into the application so that if it realised it was running short of memory it requested that people save and reboot their device.

However I found two things happened, (1) People complained about the screen and ignored it (often quoting "but I have 10Gb of memory free"), (2) They toggled the device on/off using the power button thinking that was rebooting it.

I've added in an explanation of how to reboot your machine in layman's terms and that seems to be helping a bit - but the moral of the story is that your game has to 'just work' for a lot of users ... even basic self-maintenance of their device isn't something they want to do.

This situation does lead to some users just continually spamming all apps they purchase with 1 star reviews indicating that they don't 'work' because their device is either faulty (accelerometer being the most common) or because they've never rebooted it ... until there is a system for replying to individual users unfortunately there's not much can be done about it unfortunately.

[Marc Vaughan]

Ugh. I tried "reporting" this review - has anyone ever had any luck with that?

When my game first came out I tried reporting a couple of reviews which were simply factually inaccurate and nothing ever happened with this in the couple of weeks I checked on them - no idea what sort of 'lag' is involved though and tbh I haven't gone back and checked since (it could be that there are no many such things that it takes a month for them to review a report for instance).

[ArtCoder]

the moral of the story is that your game has to 'just work' for a lot of users ...
Of course your game must "just work"! You should take the necessary precautions to ensure your game runs fine with the limited resources available. IMHO, you can't blame the user for complaining if a game needs the phone to be rebooted to work properly.

[RPGGuy]

iFishing Lite:

"What sick weirdo wtote this game? All was well until i get the message: "you threw back a 5lb fish to room for this one." what kind og twisted fisherman hooks and kills a fish just to throw it back? Its only a game but to be promoting that kind of respectless behavior is just plain wrong. Eat what you catch or dont go fishing."

This is just dumb because the fish are kept in the live well and we promote catch and release, not EATING every single fish caught lol.

"You just drive the boat around looking for fish while each time you stop to cast the pedofile narrator tells you find a new spot"


Puppet Jump:
"his is like playin wiv poo and u have to wait ages for the thing to flaming load"

Pocket Farm:
"I try and buy all farm games available. I continue to find this game frustrating due to it's mechanics and bugs. This game is in dire need of an update. I have never written a negative review on here and I tend to probably rate most apps too high. I am not that hard to please but this app has continued to disappoint from the day I bought it. So far it wins the award of my least favorite farming game and maybe even my least favorite game overall. Fix your game and improve it. You owe us at least that. Ranch Rush which is a farming/time management hybrid blows this game away. I believe this game has some potential but as it stands now it is completely unrealized potential."

That's a lot of negative without saying anything specific.

Another:
"When I purchased this game the description promised weekly updated. That has been removed from the description and there have not been any new decorations to buy in at least two months. Who knows what other promises they will punk out on in the future. The game is fun, but I think the company lacks integrity."

Actually Apple was taking so long to review the app I finished all the updates I had planned into one update.

iFishing Saltwater:
"When I got this app my I pod started to smell like cows"

uh..

[GodSon]

Any review Kijib has ever written.
http://itunes.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewUsersUserReviews?userProfileId=43873585

Yep. Fully agree. I laugh every time like I saw them for the 1st time.

[fallenashes]

Yep. Fully agree. I laugh every time like I saw them for the 1st time.

Quoted from kijib reviewing daredevil dave.

Fat game..,,!

The developer of this game should be ashamed for letting himselfd go He needs to lose a couple 50. Really now

lol....

[stutz]

Kijib

Definitely somebody who still lives with his parents and probably cried himself to sleep.

[schplurg]

Quoted from kijib reviewing daredevil dave.

Quote:
Fat game..,,!

The developer of this game should be ashamed for letting himselfd go He needs to lose a couple 50. Really now
lol....

What the hell does that even mean? I'm in decent shape LOL! He's the only person on my ignore list here, only due to private messages, not normal posts. That's hilarious...I think...?

:eek:

[RttaM]

What the hell does that even mean? I'm in decent shape LOL! He's the only person on my ignore list here, only due to private messages, not normal posts. That's hilarious...I think...?

:eek:

Don't listen to Kijib. He has a few screws loose.

[Marc Vaughan]

Of course your game must "just work"! You should take the necessary precautions to ensure your game runs fine with the limited resources available. IMHO, you can't blame the user for complaining if a game needs the phone to be rebooted to work properly.

Out of interest if the phone is in a totally fragmented state and doesn't have enough memory to load your games database even after you've free'd up all available memory and handled the memory warning correctly .... what would you recommend be done then?

Any game beyond the most basic application will have a memory footprint and from my testing in a worse case scenario after handling a memory warning you might be left with as little as 6Mb to play with on a 1st generation device, that while enough for some applications simply isn't sufficient for my game.

I'm trying to handle such a situation as politely as possible in-app and let the user know whats happening and how to rectify it (ie. reboot), what approach do you take in such a circumstance?

PS - There are loads of articles about such issues available online if you poke around - eg. http://hastalavistavista.com/2008/02/28/iphones-limited-ram-struggles-under-the-stress/, http://www.everythingicafe.com/forum/iphone-3g/iphone-running-out-of-system-memory-42124.html etc.

[ArtCoder]

Oh, I wasn't suggesting memory fragmentation wasn't a problem or that there is a better way to handle it (that I know of, at least). I think your including a tip in the game is quite a good idea.

I was just saying you shouldn't blame the customers for complaining about it or not knowing how to reboot. From the customer's view point, your game should just work and not require any extraneous steps to be able to play.