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Old 05-27-2013, 10:58 PM
MidianGTX MidianGTX is offline
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Did you pay him? If so, I feel kinda bad pointing out the flaws I see. By most people's standards it'd be completely fine, but if you want to be strict and have perfect English there are a couple of corrections I would make.

"Frantically fling daggers for hours" is a split infinitive. I mean... it's acceptable, kinda like Star Trek's famous "boldly go" line, but if you want to be strict and have proper English it would be something like "Get ready to fling daggers frantically for hours".

You also need a comma after "heated".

And "...too overwhelming. She's your only hope." makes a little more sense as "...too overwhelming; she's your only hope".

It's nothing too bad though, even companies like EA don't bother scrutinising that much.
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