Review: GloBall is Just For ShowBall

[o.o]

GloBall

Link: http://itunes.com/app/GloBall

Developer: Robot Super Brain

Price: $.99/59p

Lite: http://itunes.com/app/GloBallLite

Played On: iPod 2G



Do you know 'the idiot'? Yes, 'the idiot' is the person who always annoys you while you are on a bus or a train... or even on just a street corner if you are that unlucky. 'The idiot' sings, dances, swerves or shouts to annoy you. It's as if they forgot there were other people there. This is all the fault of technology like MP3s, Phones or Handheld Consoles. Yes, gadgets created 'the idiot'. Oh, he was stupid before, but at least he wasn't smashing commuters in the face with his iPod swing.

Here's GloBall. Don't play this game in public, or you'll become 'the idiot'. This game revolves around swinging your iDevice to guide the titular hero of the story, GloBall, around levels that all seem strangely... samey. The aim is to destroy all the coloured bricks and avoid the enemies. Oh, but if you REALLY want to, you can always destroy the enemies using the Pac-Man style powerups.

Oh, and the developers have done a great job with the difficulty curve. It's consistent in that it is just a flat line that gets no harder whatsoever. Infact I found level 1 the hardest because I didn't know the utterly stupid control just yet, which was a plus for GloBall at the time, because whoever designed it had severe mental difficulties and kept vomiting over their work. Even people I know think I look stupid when swinging my iPod around. Then again, the factor of people giving you confused looks can only be defeated by iSamurai, which turns you into 'the alpha idiot' if used out in the open.

Oh, there's a bit of an annoyance curve as well. The further you go into the game, the more instant-kill lasers will be present. Luckily you get a couple of lives to burn. Also the levels become maze-like. You've destroyed 49/50 blocks, just to realise you should have gone left at the start to destroy the bonus block before you did the rest of the level. So back you go, through the whole of the level you just did, getting lost along the way.

Oh, and believe me, I tried to like this game. It's so polished and wonderful to look at that getting lost in a level is almost fun. Then I slapped myself and recalled my long-time philosophy 'Graphics < Gameplay', and the gameplay in GloBall is so thin it'd consider A4 Paper to be heavyweight. Ah well, GloBall looks nice and has a nice icon, so I give it a thumbs up for that. Now that thumbs up will be heckled by the massive crowd of thumbs down I gave it.

I don't really know where all the hype for GloBall came from, but I know that GloBall comes from the best-looking manure in the land.