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WOW-Apple really knows how to screw things up

02-20-2010, 07:39 PM
#1
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 55
WOW-Apple really knows how to screw things up

Tech Crunch reported on the new Apple rules after Jon Atherton of Wobble fame, spoke to Apple directly. The link is at the bottom of this but here are the cliff notes:

1. No images of women in bikinis (Ice skating tights are not OK either)

2. No images of men in bikinis! (I didn’t ask about Ice Skating tights for men)

3. No skin (he seriously said this) (I asked if a Burqa was OK, and the Apple guy got angry)

4. No silhouettes that indicate that Wobble can be used for wobbling boobs (yes – I am serious, we have to remove the silhouette in this pic)

5. No sexual connotations or innuendo: boobs, babes, booty, sex – all banned

6. Nothing that can be sexually arousing!! (I doubt many people could get aroused with the pic above but those puritanical guys at Apple must get off on pretty mundane things to find Wobble “overtly sexual!)

7. No apps will be approved that in any way imply sexual content (not sure how Playboy is still in the store, but …)

---------------------------------------

This is going to completely screw up about 7 of my clients games. One of which is Duke Nuke'em, anyone that gets sexually aroused by Duke is going to need lots of therapy.

I am a big fan of IUGO, but does Apple honestly think that I go into the bathroom with my iPhone fully loaded with Daisy M and a bunch of wet wipes? Sorry Apple, but if that is what gets you off then you are pretty screwed up.

I am simply stunned that Apple goes from their recent form of drastically improving the developer experience i.e. four hour approval times etc to this stuff.

Honestly, this makes me as crazy as bat shit.

Let's break the rules down:

1. No images of women in bikinis (Ice skating tights are not OK either)

Apple are not even following ESRB guidelines on this one. Ice Skating pants? Really?

2. No images of men in bikinis! (I didn’t ask about Ice Skating tights for men)

OK I am fine with this one, the last thing I personally want to see is a dude in a bikini, thong or banana hammock.

3. No skin (he seriously said this) (I asked if a Burqa was OK, and the Apple guy got angry)


I love Jon's comment on this one. So no skin, can we please, pretty please with sugar on top define what skin is? Like hand skin, neck skin? OK Foreskin I am fine with banning.

4. No silhouettes that indicate that Wobble can be used for wobbling boobs (yes – I am serious, we have to remove the silhouette in this pic)

@Steve Jobs, I would like to introduce you to other like minded individuals:

Quakers meet Steve

Steve meet Quakers

In fairness the Quaker community is a huge demographic for Apple.

5. No sexual connotations or innuendo: boobs, babes, booty, sex – all banned

OK the work around here is that you build ugly chick models with the bodies of a thirteen year old gymnast wearing a snuggie.

6. Nothing that can be sexually arousing!! (I doubt many people could get aroused with the pic above but those puritanical guys at Apple must get off on pretty mundane things to find Wobble “overtly sexual!)

OK I know you guys don't like swearing on this board but WTF, ok some of the crazy shit that people get turned on with is stunning:

Battle Bears is SCREWED guys!

Plushophilia

Perhaps liking one of your stuffed animals a little too much as a child can lead to this fetish. It is being sexually attracted to stuffed animals or people dressed in animal costumes. Some plushophiles like to masturbate using small stuffed animals, and some like to dress up in costumes and have sex with others wearing costumes. Someone who is into bestiality, but doesn't want to actually have sex with animals could also enjoy this fetish.

Resident evil, yep that is toast also:

Vorarephilia

This is arousal by the thought of being eaten by someone, eating someone else, or watching someone eat somebody else. It is called "vore" for short. Perhaps this is related to cannibalism, but how someone develops a fetish like this, I really could not even speculate upon. It involves pure fantasy (at least hopefully it does), since it would be very difficult to make any of the aforementioned situations reality.

/Chem stops working on his inflatable sheep game:

Inflatophilia

This fetish can vary in what the inflatophile enjoys. It can be an attraction to inflatable animals and toys, deriving sexual pleasure from wearing inflatable suits, or just being aroused from the thought of people inflating like balloons. Perhaps an inflatophile could enjoy the company of a blow-up doll a little too much. This is another fetish that any psychologist would probably have a hard time explaining.

@IUGO Yo Toy Bot Diaries is screwed:

Robot fetishism

This is a fantasy that involves the thought of having sex with a robot, having sex dressed as robots, or having sex with a person who is transformed into a robot. I'm sure that there are many geeks out there who fantasize about having sex with a perfect android woman, but this fetish can also involve fantasizing about having sex with a non-humanoid robot. I guess someone who really loves technology or science fiction could be into this.

OK now this last one has just eradicated 95.3438985% of the entire gaming category on the app store:

Bonnie and Clyde Syndrome

It is a sexual attraction to someone who has committed a gruesome crime. Many inmates who are imprisoned for outrageous crimes receive love letters from women. It's a very odd phenomenon. I guess the average bad boy isn't enough for women who are hybristophiles.

Again my point is, is that the amount of crazy crap people find arousing is nuts. OK in fairness wanting to hump "patch" my stuffed bear is perfectly normal and healthy.........it is......shut up....no really.

7. No apps will be approved that in any way imply sexual content (not sure how Playboy is still in the store, but …)

Imply is a lawyers word, they use it when they want to be as vague as humanly possible.

This is just a stunning stupid piece of work by Apple.

@Digigala

Sources:

http://www.associatedcontent.com/art...ias.html?cat=7


http://techcrunch.com/2010/02/20/app-store-rules-sexy/
02-20-2010, 08:17 PM
#2
Sorry to hear it affects you... but I am actually glad they are cracking down. Some of those bikini apps and what not are ridiculous.. and sadly they sell and take up valuable spots.

They got away with it while they can.. Thanks apple for cleaning up the App Store !

My 2 cents.

- Matt
mehware

02-20-2010, 08:37 PM
#3
Joined: Sep 2009
Location: UK / Toronto
Posts: 602
Robot fetishism seems a good idea for a replacement, and it would get around all those rules as well, particularly the 'no skin' one!
02-20-2010, 08:39 PM
#4
Joined: Feb 2009
Location: San Jose, CA
Posts: 546
Bad move by Apple. I don't download these types of apps, but come on: we're not 10 years old. This is why we have parental controls.

These types of apps sell because -- surprise -- people want them. If access needs to be more tightly controlled, so be it. But don't ban them. This is a good way to cause people to seek out platforms with less control (such as Android).
02-20-2010, 08:41 PM
#5
How is those age ratings going to stop a 10 year old with an iPod Touch from downloading those apps to their device?
02-20-2010, 11:06 PM
#6
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 120
i agree with mehware. it was making an already crowded appstore even more crowded. and most of the apps was spam apps. same as all the emails and popups we see everyday.

on the other hand there are apps and games that are just aimed at a more mature audience. the best solution would be to create a section on the appstore for these apps and games and restrict access to them for the underage(something along those lines).

reminds me a lot about the way Australia is handeling the whole game banning issue.
02-20-2010, 11:06 PM
#7
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 55
Quote:
Originally Posted by lazypeon View Post
Bad move by Apple. I don't download these types of apps, but come on: we're not 10 years old. This is why we have parental controls.

These types of apps sell because -- surprise -- people want them. If access needs to be more tightly controlled, so be it. But don't ban them. This is a good way to cause people to seek out platforms with less control (such as Android).

I am fine with banning the bikini app's but Daisy Mae? I mean come on!
02-20-2010, 11:51 PM
#8
Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 330
I'm a victim of the mass removals, but heres the thing: Apple is trying to bring in a strong customer base for us, if this is the best method, then whats to complain about?

It says "Boobs" right in Wobbles title, of course they are going to remove it with this wave.

Also, Daisy Mae's boobs jiggled -- way too explicit

Water Your Body (ON SALE $0.99)
http://apps.google.com/#1iPhoneApp
Tic Tac Pro (FREE)
New and Noteworthy!
02-21-2010, 03:46 AM
#9
Joined: Apr 2009
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 1,005
"What's to complain about?"

How about changing app store policy again with no advance warning whatsoever to the actual developers... for games that were already approved and with rules are vague and ripe for inconsistent application. There are tons of apps much worse than anything in Daisy Mae that have not yet been pulled.

Apple's within their rights to do this - the developer's agreement gives them the right to pull stunts like this at their whim. But it should make people think twice about how they're going to build a business with a partner that doesn't keep them in the loop. The affected developers, even if they resubmit quickly, are going to have a tough time rebuilding momentum.

I have not yet personally been affected, but wouldn't be surprised to see Pocket Boxer get yanked for having the audacity to include a ringgirl.

Quote:
Originally Posted by bravetarget View Post
I'm a victim of the mass removals, but heres the thing: Apple is trying to bring in a strong customer base for us, if this is the best method, then whats to complain about?

It says "Boobs" right in Wobbles title, of course they are going to remove it with this wave.

Also, Daisy Mae's boobs jiggled -- way too explicit
02-21-2010, 05:38 AM
#10
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 55
Quote:
Originally Posted by bravetarget View Post
I'm a victim of the mass removals, but heres the thing: Apple is trying to bring in a strong customer base for us, if this is the best method, then whats to complain about?

It says "Boobs" right in Wobbles title, of course they are going to remove it with this wave.

Also, Daisy Mae's boobs jiggled -- way too explicit
Great news, I just sent a mail to apple and also tweeted to my followers on twiiter that I found the app "water on my body" sexually arousing, seriously; I literally just came all over the place.

According to the new apple rules "water on my body" is history!

Once again, thank you for playing "name that rule, hosted by your friend and mine steve jobs".

All joking aside, you actually looked at Daisy may's boobs jiggling?

OK tell ya what, please post a video capture of which part of Daisy's boobs jiggling you found offensive. If you could also post a pic of your ejaculation on your mac book pro, I will be 1000% convinced that Daisy broke the rules lol

I am only messing with ya man, listen; you are trying to earn some coin with your stellar app and so are a bunch of people. I talk to Apple on a daily basis and eerrr not under this tag.

The bottomline is, is that I have had a number of my clients titles pulled down since Saturday, it aint really that bad because most of them are going to reuse the art to port over to Android for Verizon and the Pre Plus -for disclosure purposes, my clients are generally publishing on several platforms and are 23 person plus studios. Also for full disclosure, I do not work with IUGO, I just think they make tight games and I want to see more tight games published by indie devs- and the iPhone OS is just one platform. It is an important platform, but it is not the only platform.

I just think it is a bit dumb to pull this crap after a loyal studio like IUGO put in time, effort and money into supporting the iPhone OS. OK "wather on my body" or whatever is not really that expensive to produce. but 3D models cost a fortune to do.