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The Idiotic Customer Review Hall of Fame

10-24-2010, 11:23 PM
Joined: Dec 2009
Posts: 525
The Idiotic Customer Review Hall of Fame

Exhibit #1: Idiots who think that AB Halloween was made by a different company or that it should have been a free update:

Angry Birds Halloween Reviews (Most Critical)

Actual Quotes: "Doodle Jump recently offered a FREE Halloween update to it's app. I feel ripped off."

"It's not even by the same creator"

Exhibit #2: Greedy kids who expect infinite free updates on EVERY SINGLE GAME:

Plants vs Zombies Reviews (Most Critical)

Actual Quote: "After you beat the game there is very little to do. Popcap, please update as soon as possible and bring in new material we all want."

Exhibit #3: Cheapskates who believe that they should get a discount every time an app that they own goes on sale:

Peggle Reviews (Most Critical)

Actual Quote: "I bought this game when it first came out for $4.99 and now its $.99 WTF. Thats a rip off, what happend to my $4 ?? I dont think they should do that just to stay in the top ranks. Cheaters!"

Exhibit #4: Kijib combines all of these characteristics into what is possibly the epitome of stupidity:

Reviews by Kijib

Actual Quotes: "should have been a free update"

"No OF!!!!! Add it!!!!"

"UPDATE!!!!'!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now Add a Pleez add mor upgrades and units!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!update?? Too many crashes!!!!!!!!! Add savXeno wars is way better!!!! Get xeno wars instead!!!!!!!!!! !! Go'!!!!!! ? U nvr update!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!w Online multiplayer needed!!!!!!!!!!!' Plleez addd!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now!!!!!!! Update!!!!!!"

"Wher is the map editor?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!!! Report a Concern
The devs lied to me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Greed LIES!!! U Why hasnt a map editor been aannounced?!!!!!! Announce it! U lied to me!!n!!! Cmon Update now!!!!!!!!!!U never update this!!!!!!!!!! Add map editor Update!! U cqnt do anything!!!!!!!!!!!!! Do not buy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Add it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!hhgf Or else!!!!!!!!!!!!m !!!!! !!!!! Add it srsly!!!!! Add map editor already!!!!!! !!!! !really tired of waiting Lazy devs!!"

"DO U SPEAK ENGLISH!!?? Idiots STOP MAKING DLC YOU GUYS!!!!1 MAKE EVERYTHING FREE RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!NO DLC!!!!!!!!!!!!! No !!!! Wow way to add DLC I HATE DLC FAIL Pleez bring back the old music !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOW Pocket Way better than pocket god keep up FREE updates!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!! Pocket god is stupid Pocket God is no more!!!!!!!! ha!!! Cant wait for ep 2!!! Yay its oout!!!!!!!!!!!"

Ridiculous. Just ridiculous.

Last edited by csklimowski; 10-24-2010 at 11:26 PM.
10-24-2010, 11:46 PM
Joined: Jan 2010
Location: Colorado
Posts: 262
Word to idiotic reviews. Some of my pet peeves:

-Reviews with terrible spelling and grammar. It's hard to take seriously the reviews that appear to have been written by 3rd graders or people who do not have a full grasp of the English language.
-Reviews with absolute qualifiers such as "Add multiplayer and it goes from 1 star to 5"
-Excessive use of symbols, smiley faces, etc.

However, when all is said and done, game reviews are more dependable than music reviews. 90% of the garbage on itunes has a 4-5 star rating.

Gamecenter: DEATHLRD

10-24-2010, 11:53 PM
HaHa. Those are great! Thanks for a good laugh! Now, where are my ICRs...?

Originally Posted by ultimo View Post
This is not Windows, this is Apple, dude
10-25-2010, 12:00 AM
Joined: Jul 2009
Location: Houston/Austin, TX
Posts: 13,250
Whenever I see these dumbass 12 year olds on the appstore, I just want to go over to where they live, grab their damn idevice, and chuck it into the local bayou/waterway/lake/river/ocean/gulf/etc. There's plenty of these idiots on TouchArcade as well. The appstore has really transformed our modern gamers into a bunch of cheap whiners.

I just clicked on the Reckless Racing thread after this one, and guess what the last few comments are saying.

Last edited by backtothis; 10-25-2010 at 12:03 AM.
10-25-2010, 07:33 AM
Now I know what Kijib posts.

Have a look at Naruto RPG!
Look at Gamebook Adventures for iPhone/iPod/iPad!
I do app descriptions for free
10-25-2010, 07:41 AM
Joined: Jul 2009
Location: Shrewsbury PA
Posts: 65
I love the complaints about the prices..."$4.99 what a rip off!"

BIG DEAL! Whats $5? Unless you're 10 years old...stop whining. Most of those kids have spent $70 for Halo, but won't shell out $.99 for Angry Birds...
10-25-2010, 07:47 AM
Classic. Just classic.

Currently playing Infinity Blade
Add me on Game Center! rottenappleipad
10-25-2010, 08:00 AM
Joined: Aug 2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 704
Originally Posted by natedogg213 View Post

However, when all is said and done, game reviews are more dependable than music reviews. 90% of the garbage on itunes has a 4-5 star rating.
It's because noone can be bothered typing a review about music they feel mediocre about and they won't buy it if they absolutely hate it so most of the rating are good because people are more likely to review music they like than music they hate.
I think.
10-25-2010, 08:44 AM
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 50
Sweet Lord

Maybe Apple should change their rules for approving reviews. If a normal person reads a review and his eyes start to bleed or he wants to cry, they should reject it.
10-25-2010, 08:55 AM
Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 764
Not really an app review but dumb nonetheless: The album "Electric Tears" by Buckethead was rated 1 star twice and 2 stars once because Jordan wasn't on the album.

Username on every gaming network I'm on: kaboom132. I have tested 21 games. Will test your game if you wish!
Originally Posted by backtothis View Post
I think I was high when I typed that. My apologies.