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Games my 3-year-old cousin sucks at

12-19-2010, 09:17 PM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 333
Games my 3-year-old cousin sucks at

So I just spent an hour entertaining my 3.5-year-old cousin with iPhone games. It was pretty fun, actually. However, to be honest, she wasn't very good at them. She'd play one for half a minute, totally suck at it, and then inform me that we should play something else. Anyway, in case anyone out there is looking for child-friendly games, I thought I'd post this helpful list of games not to try.

Games my 3.5-year-old cousin sucks at:

Doodle Jump
--She died pretty much instantly on this. It was really sad. She's reasonably smart (for a tiny person), and I think she got that she had to tilt the iPhone to play, but tilting only a small amount just doesn't compute. She put in about 20 seconds on this.

Blue Hole
--Same story. I even tried telling her what to do ("Go left! Now right! No, RIGHT!!"). She could avoid an obstacle or two at most, and that was it.

--She actually kinda got this, which is probably a testament to how intuitive the shoot-em-up control schemes tend to be. However, she lost interest in about 10 seconds and told me I had to play. Are you kidding? If I'm gonna play a shoot-em-up, it sure isn't gonna be Nanoids...

Huje Tower
--Honestly, neither of us could figure out how to play this game. World of Goo it ain't.

--Total fail.

Doodle God
--TOTAL fail.

Chop Chop Runner
--Okay, she killed like a couple guys, but it was a total accident.

Action Buggy
--What part of "don't hit the rocks" is so hard to understand? Actually, she got the idea of pressing "jump" when an obstacle approaches, but not holding down "jump" to get farther. I think her top score was like 3. On the plus side, she did get fairly good at pressing the buttons to start a new a game after dying (btw, no game like this should require 3 button presses to start a new game).

Okay, and now a few games she didn't totally suck at:

--She actually won a game of Uno! Well, she took the credit, but I think I helped considerably. She never really got the whole turn-taking thing, but matching colors worked fairly well (even matching numbers worked...sorta).

Mushihimesama Bug Panic
--She actually beat the first level. I mean, I took out the first set of bugs, which are the only ones you need to kill on the first level. But she kinda got the movement part down. Again, there was a problem with realizing she should keep her finger held down, instead of just making small motions.

Pocket God
--This actually kept her occupied for a while, even though she mostly just tilted the screen to push them off the island and then hit "plus" to get more. She did manage to harpoon a few in the underwater level and hit a bird with lightning (I helped with switching between locations). Honestly, I was kinda relieved when she eventually lost interest because it occurred to me that it wasn't the best kinda game to be showing a little kid...

That's about all I remember. Maybe next time I'll come better prepared?

My games of 2010: Tilt to Live, Phoenix, Carcassonne, Sword & Poker 1/2, Space Miner, Mushihimesama Bug Panic
Honorable mention: Soloman's Boneyard, Game Dev Story, Tunnel Shoot, Warblade, DoDonPachi Revolution, Kalevala
12-19-2010, 10:01 PM
Joined: Apr 2009
Location: 31.560499, -111.904128
Posts: 7,471
Erm, I'm pretty sure most 3-year-olds suck at games. I know I did.

Hakuna Matata

12-19-2010, 10:57 PM
Joined: Feb 2010
Location: Los Angeles
Posts: 2,277
One word, Alphabetic - they'll be entertained for hours.
12-19-2010, 11:03 PM
Joined: Aug 2009
Location: #317
Posts: 1,214
Send a message via Yahoo to swishinj
Thanks for sharing.

You won't find me on the leaderboards.
12-20-2010, 02:24 AM
Doctor of Game of the Week-ology
Joined: Oct 2010
Location: Everywhere and Nowhere
Posts: 7,679
I'm pretty sure 3(.5) year olds can't play games yet.
12-20-2010, 02:35 AM
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 1,175
Get your cousin onto Zombie Infection next time you see her. Endless hours of fun for the little ones

Occasional Reviewer on ThePortableGamer
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Originally Posted by Dead Space Girl
It was like the other day I went to MarthaStewart.com's forums for advice on how to program my new T-89 graphing calculator and well, let's just say no one there was very helpful.
12-20-2010, 02:24 PM
Joined: Jul 2009
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 3,099
Action buggy?? Seriously? I mean come on, that thing is HARD, I play it for like 45 seconds. You obviously need a game that really feels like it starts TOO easy for adults.

My five year old is just as good as I am at doodle jump, so that wasnt unreasonable to try.

That said, 3 is really young to be playing most games designed for adults. Kind of silly to be posting a list of games they cant play...at 3 the issue is what can they play?

Try untimed match 3 games. Bejeweled classic perhaps.

Face fighter should be a hit.

Currently playing Hero Academy 2 and South Park Phone Destroyer
12-20-2010, 02:42 PM
My 3.5 year old loves Cut The Rope and is fairly good at it.

I think he just really likes the character and his little animations like when he points to his mouth or rings the bell (in the Christmas version). Although he does get frustrated when he can't get all three stars -- which is almost always except for the first few boards.
12-20-2010, 03:07 PM
Joined: Apr 2009
Location: Coolidge, AZ
Posts: 5,934
This thread is so full of win.

Come on she should be playing at a f*cking Fallout 3 level already guys.

Originally Posted by HelperMonkey View Post
Conservatives hate liberals because they think that liberals think they're stupid.

Liberals hate conservatives because they think that they're stupid.
12-20-2010, 05:47 PM
Joined: Feb 2009
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 2,482
Have you got her checked out by a doctor? Because my 3 year old is on the leaderboards for Doodle Jump, Minigore... All that.

(all lies)

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